In a world of shakiness I am reminded of a wonderful musical famous for the line, “Life can be as shaky as a fiddler on the roof.” In one word I can describe what Morris and Shirley have established in many areas of their lives. Balance! Life is a drama with many ups and downs, yet Morris and Shirley have found stability under their rooftop, in their community and beyond.

“Being Jewish has given us a solid ground to stand on.” Both products of parents and/or grandparents who immigrated, they experienced a sort of teeter-totter upbringing as they embraced their Americanization alongside their Jewish identity. Morris grew up in an area heavily influenced by many nationalities while Shirley was completely enveloped in a Jewish community. Morris shares, “I grew up in a non-Jewish world getting my Jewish training through education. Shirley grew up in a Jewish world in America acquiring identity through osmosis.” Honor was attributed to both sides of the family. Morris mentioned the history and experiences through his grandfather and father that contributed to his realizations as well as Shirley’s reiteration of her mother’s lessons. “Shirley often says, ‘mother said…. or mother did…’”.

Shirley joined in, “She didn’t preach. She spoke gems at just the appropriate times.”

They married in 1945 right after Morris returned in ‘one piece’ from World War II. Shirley left her predominantly Jewish structure to be with her husband. “It felt like two different worlds”, she recalled. Maintaining a kosher home was almost impossible and understanding all the other cultures proved to be a challenge, which, I must add, they found humor in as they reminisced.

At the ages of 22 and 18 years of age they were young when they married, so as Morris stated, “We grew up together. The school system for me was very important in our lives growing up in a changing environment. Public school was an amalgamation of peoples where everybody was headed in the same direction: to become American. I was living the two different worlds that Shirley referred to, so I know that experience. Shirley found herself in this experience and it was a ‘shock’! We went through a period of having to find our way to Judaism. Synagogue became center in our lives and in those days you taught your children Judaism.”

Shirley recalled, “Our kids belly-ached because they felt they were living two lives between Hebrew-synagogue life and public school life. I said to them, ‘How much richer you are than I. I didn’t know how to live here. Sending them off to college, you hope you’ve taught them enough foundation, education, closeness and that they can still hold on to a good part of it as they proceed to do their own thing.”

“We were both brought up to be independent. I never worked for anyone. I’ve always been an entrepreneur, so we brought our children up in the same manner. But then our kids hit the 60’s and….”

“Eye yi yi”, Shirley intervenes, “Through my aggravation as a mother I said, ‘I don’t know. We brought them up to be independent’. It kind of backfired.”

“During the 60’s there was a revolution, the Hippie Revolution, and it was a very rough period for us. We rode the bus while our kids asserted their independence, grew through it and sought their own paths. We had to readjust our thinking. The realization that things change whether you like it or not, they change. You have to adjust to the change. You cannot stay the same when all around you the whole culture and the whole structure is changing. You are going to either live within that culture or not; yet, you can’t turn your back on it. There is no way anybody can live their lives without being affected by their environment. So you adjust. We were like a middle child learning from the transitional generation of our parents before us and the transitional generation following us, our children. The change in our son and daughter brought us to our first realization: It was ok to disagree. We didn’t always agree”, motioning to Shirley, “our backgrounds were different. The way she looked at dealing with the kids…she’s saying ‘no’ and I’m saying, ‘you can’t change it. It’s going to happen. Why fight it? Join in, in a sense. So between the two of us we worked out the compromise.

“One of the blessings the world needs is: Learn how to disagree.”

“Respectfully”, Shirley adds.

In accord, Morris continues, “Respect disagreement. Dissent was allowed but it was allowed without violence. Violence is going to happen if you don’t realize people have the right to dissent. That’s a lesson we have to keep learning over and over again because if we don’t allow dissent we will have a revolution and we don’t need that in any way. Jews in particular don’t think any kind of revolution is good other than an evolution towards learning to get together. The Jewish world, I think, has a sensitivity to what’s going on like the ‘canary in the coal mine’. The first people to be affected are the minorities, always. If there’s any wisdom coming out of our lives, this is it: If you don’t protect the minorities, you don’t protect yourself. That’s a major, major blessing that has come out of the 95 years we’ve been around. I have watched that change from Eastern Europe through the hippie period, watching unionism in this country, the information age, advancements in technology all changes that happened prior to two World Wars. We are living in tumultuous times. Learn to adjust to what’s going on. You don’t want to leave a world behind that is all torn apart and you don’t want your grandchildren to go through the travesties that you’ve watched. There is a worry there.”

When asked what constructive advice would you offer? Morris confessed, “I don’t know, but”, turning to Shirley’s achievement and contribution, “she is leaving behind, “L’ dor V dor” (Generations to Generations).” Printed three different times, Shirley admits it initially was a gift to her children and extended family. (It is currently an E-Book).

Shirley wanted to leave an identifiable connection ensuring the young people to reflect their culture. “Food connects us to a lot.” Teaching others how to have a Jewish kitchen is a legacy.

Then Morris considerably expressed, “My desire has always been trying to relate to the kids a powerful tradition: Passover. In doing the Passover service we have taught our kids how important family is. If people don’t find family then they are in trouble. Family is crucial. The family structure is under the gun, not totally, not everywhere, but for a lot of people. You need to be centered and involved around some communal group. The Chabad is a perfect example of family and religion coming together. Unity and a tremendous amount of strength comes out of that. It puts family and extended family together in a very unique way. Amish, Quakers, food codes, dress codes, all of that creates an extended family. We have an extended family.

“Another thing, is simchas…good times. Life has its travails and its pleasures. Everybody is going to understand they have troubles.” Gesturing towards Shirley, “Like her mother says, ‘you don’t go looking for trouble, it finds you all by itself’. So trouble is just part of life. You deal with that, but at the same time you can find a way to pleasure and what we call simchas. Whenever there’s the chance to celebrate, you do it. Major lesson is, find your celebrations and find a way to use them. Hopefully you can find more celebrations than troubles and then life can become easier, more pleasant. You go from pleasure to pleasure instead of problem to problem. A lot of people go from problem to problem and they are not happy people because they are always waiting for the next problem. We are always looking for the next pleasure, the next simcha.”

Interfaith Dialogue Association. Morris and Shirley believe strongly that communities should have open interfaith dialogue helping the intellectuals deal with diversity and ideas. Trying to understand the ‘other person’ is a major contribution. The goal: Learn how to get along with others.

Lastly: “Keep learning, studying, improving and let yourself get old.”